Listen up! Ryan Seacrest connected with divorce advice guru Matthew Fray and our feelings have never been more seen. Fray is behind the blog “She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By the Sink” and mustbethistalltoride.com and dishes advice for couples after learning from his own split.
In his 2016 blog, Fray explains how he realized, too late, that his wife didn’t feel valued, even from the smallest things like not agreeing on dishes or other household chores.
“It’s the idea that we don’t get to decide what matters to other people,” Fray shared with Seacrest of his philosophy. “So my insistence that this dish or 30 other things that matter to my wife, but didn’t matter to me, would be the difference between my marriage making it or not is the conversation. If I didn’t let something that mattered to her, be something that I was showing up for and respecting.”
So what’s the No. 1 mistake people make that leads to divorce?
“I honestly believe that is probably the No. 1 but if we talk to about action items … we try to elevate whether we agree that it should have made them feel bad.”
Fray continued imagine you tell your partner the way something made you feel, most of the time, they negotiate whether it should have made you feel that way or not.
“The common denominator there, the theme that runs throughout, is their feelings never matter,” he added, stressing: “Can you just value and support the feeling that your [partner] is expressing [instead]?”
If not, Fray concluded, “a person eventually stops trusting them and chooses another life when they keep hearing they’re not going to honor the things that mater to them.”
This. Is. So. True!
Sound off on social @OnAirWithRyan with your own thoughts and watch back the on-air interview in the video above to learn more from Fray.